I had a pretty scary night last night.
I came home from work and went about my usual routine of watching the news and making dinner. I chop up all my veggies for my salads a week in advance, so I fixed those up as well. Dinner was in the oven, the salads were all made, and the news went to commercial break, so I took that time to quickly go to the bathroom.
I returned from the bathroom to sit down in front of the TV and wait for my dinner to finish cooking. Curiously at first, I noticed my weenie starting to heat up. At first I thought nothing of it, but then it started to get hotter and hotter. And then very hot. I started to think that I had some kind of infection or something, as it was starting to get unbearable. Visual inspection turned up nothing. And then it got hotter still. What the hell was going on?!? I was starting to think that I had rapid onset cancer of the penis.
And then it dawned on me. Heitmann, you retard! I make my weekly salads with jalapenos and Mexican red peppers, and after I had made my salads I had used my hand to brush all the chopped veggie juices and seeds off the glass cutting board. There was no heat on my hands at all, but apparently there was sufficient jalapeno and Mexican red pepper juice left on my hands from making my salads to ‘spark myself up’ when I had gone to the bathroom after finishing off making the salads.
I know that if you eat something that is too hot you can drink milk or dairy products to help reduce the burning sensation. So when I realized what was happening to me I rummaged through my fridge trying to find some yogurt or cottage cheese or something else to stick my weenie in. Sadly, I had nothing in the fridge to help me with my plight. After about 20 minutes and a long shower the burning finally abated. Holy crap!!