We have all seen quotes or lists of things that stuck with us and absorbed them to our own extents into our lives.

A few nights ago I was using the oven for dinner, and I had left a steak knife on the top of the stove on a cookie sheet. After I ate my dinner I could smell something that I would describe as ‘not pleasing in the least’ and I quickly got that queasy feeling in the pit of my belly that something was wrong. Very wrong. But because there was no smoke and no fire, it took me a while to locate the source of my angst. Behold the melted knife.

Life is a lot like finding a melted knife. We absorb things slowly and perhaps without really realizing it, like the proverbial frog in the boiling water. Every so often we have an epiphany (painful or not) that makes us sit up and think. Sometimes with something that sticks. Just like the smell of freshly melted plastic.

Here is a little list that I have collected over the years, so not my original thoughts. Each one has collectively made me sit up and think. I look at this list each week and remind myself of the simple yet erudite messages with each one of these nuggets. They are not melted, but I hope you find a one or two that makes you sit up and think.

The only things we really regret in life are the things we did not do.

Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

When in doubt, take the next small step.

Life is too short to waste hating anyone.

Make peace with your past so that it won’t screw up your present.

Never compare your life to others – you have no idea what their journey and their struggles are all about.

If a relationship has to be secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

Life it too short for long pity parties. Get busy living.

It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

Be eccentric now.

No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

What other people think of you is none of your business.

If we threw all our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.

No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

Don’t melt knives.

The Archer © 1976 John Rowlands.

David Bowie died last week and it hit me more than any celebrity death has to date. Already the world is moving on. Things to do, places to go, stuff to worry about … So, why am I still feeling the loss? It’s not the same feeling that would come with losing a family member or your best friend but is still a pervasive sort of sadness. I can’t claim to be his number one fan. I can’t tell you his entire catalogue. I didn’t listen to very much of his newer work and I certainly didn’t follow his every move on the personal front.

So what the hell?

I think it’s a combination of things. I grew up with Bowie for one. Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars is probably my second favorite album behind Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon. Throughout the years growing up and beyond into adulthood, there was always that distinctive, familiar voice. Sometimes singing a new song, more often heard on the radio singing an older one. A musician opining on Bowie’s legacy made the argument that just about any musician or group from the past 4 decades “had Bowie in their wheelhouse” in regards to what music inspired them. I would argue that anybody that listened to music has Bowie in their wheelhouse. His music seemed to touch everyone in some manner. You didn’t have to like it all, but there’s bound to be at least one song of his that you can catch yourself turning up or singing along to.

His music spoke to the freaks and the misfits in life. He made you feel like whatever you were going through was okay. Whoever you were was who you should be. I can’t claim this as original thought – I first heard it articulated on a CBC news panel talking about his life. The point made by the pundit was that in many ways, we all feel like misfits, not quite being “normal” and leading to why his music touched us all. It certainly did with me. I can’t tell you how many times as an angst-ridden teenager I would play some Ziggy and come away feeling much better about my lot in life.

Finally, I think the biggest reason I feel his loss is the bastard appears to be one of those rare, rare individuals who did what he wanted to do without compromising or selling out to anyone. Of course, we’ll never know for sure. Perhaps he was a calculating mad genius, scheming on how to milk us all for as much money as possible and taking direction from whoever could help him do that. But I doubt it. When you look at his career there was no staying in a rut. He took risks and did new things with almost every new album. And if his life’s work doesn’t convince you, just look at his final album and his death. Distinctive voice, different jazz-like style, and songs dealing with his death when no one knew he was sick.

What he did is not “go gently into the good night”.

Brilliant. I can only hope to do the same with my remaining years.

RIP you mad, crazy poet – thanks for salving my soul these many years.

by Benjamin J. Falk – work is in the public domain

As we move into middle age we’re bombarded with untold multitudes of things we’re either supposed to do or not do in order to live a long and healthy life. It’s a veritable sea of options and apparent black holes that we need to consider and/or avoid. Where the hell do you start?

Well, one safe bet is to MOVE. Movement is the key to life. It’s required to do anything and everything. So why do we stop moving as we get older? Because we get tired faster? Because our bodies “aren’t what they used to be”? Because it’s a bother? Yes, but that doesn’t mean you should stop. Face it – we’re moving downhill now. It’s only a question of how much you want to slow that slide down and delay the leap to your great reward.

So MOVE.

Pick something that appeals to you and do it for at least 10-12 weeks. See how you feel. See what difference (or not) it makes. Then adjust and augment what you’re doing with more/less/different things.

For years I have been following the exercise programs in “You are Your Own Gym” to what I felt were great results. I never bothered with anything aerobic. I hated walking, keeping a “why walk when you can drive” attitude all these years. And despite my wife long-ago advocating it as a wonderful and healthy exercise to do, it took me reading it “in a book” to suddenly decide to try it. A year and a half ago, I read “Younger Next Year“, a book for geezers looking to age gracefully. It resonated for some reason (I’d argue it’s because my wife laid the groundwork, but she won’t buy it) and I started following its guidelines around walking – doing it 4 times a week for at least 2 miles a stretch. I’ve been pretty diligent at hitting that mark and have been feeling great and getting passing grades from my Physician (“Dr. Jelly Finger” to all of us over 40!)

But about 2 months ago I realized my body weight exercises had suffered. So now I’m doing both. Striving to do 4 walks of 2 plus miles per every week AND 4 different sessions of body weight exercises from “You Are Your Own Gym“. It’s harder than you think and I admit only last week did I finally achieve the elusive “8 in a week” goal that I’d been striving for (hey man… you try raising 3 kids in their pre-teens after you’ve cracked the big 5-0 and tell me how much time you have).

The secret? There isn’t any. Last week is last week. This week I’ve got to to it again.

Just MOVE!

© Copyright Toby and licensed for reuse under this Creative Commons Licence.

It’s 4:46am. The sun isn’t even up but something woke you up. Not to worry though because you’ve got two hours still until you have to get up so back to sleep… ahhh… you close those eyes to drift off again….

And then the thoughts start creeping in. What am I doing with my life? What if I lose my job? What if things go south? And that’s just the beginning of the ride. Will we have enough for retirement? Are Alpo dinners in my future? Does my wife think I’m an idiot (well, more than usual)? Then you summit and start down recrimination hill. What have I done with my life? Why didn’t I travel more? Why didn’t I take a different path? Why didn’t I start saving earlier in life? Fear weaves its tendrils in through your chest, enveloping you in a cold chill that leaves you short of breath. Next thing you know it’s time to get up and work your day on less sleep than even the meagre amount you had originally planned for.

Brutal.

The older we get the more we feel like we’re on a path that is getting narrower with less options to take alternative paths. I used to believe that when you were born you had limitless opportunity before you. You could do anything and be anything you wanted to be. Every step you then took or decision you made (or was made for you when you were a child) closed off paths of opportunity for you… narrowing down throughout your life until you’re finally on a rickety walkway with the occasional Boost drink or sponge bath from a 20 something nurse the only thing to look forward to. If you’re lucky, both in one day.

In some ways this is true but a large part of it is mental. We’re born with limitations and every step we take in life closes doors that can never be opened in the same way. You can be born with all the desire in the world to play professional hockey, but may not have the physical skills to allow it. That door was closed before you even escaped the womb. You may have been born with all the physical skills needed to play, but your parents may have been into mountain biking with no interest in hockey at all. Your folks closed that door for you without you even knowing it. But where one door was closed, another one was opened. Their interest in mountain-biking will have opened other doors of opportunity for you that are closed to a child of hockey-mad parents.

And so it goes throughout life. Doors closed to a child are open to you at 50 or 60 due to your experience, knowledge or wisdom gained through your journey. It’s just hard to see or believe as your health starts to get questionable and you start having to use “cheater glasses” to read your iPhone. Moving to an alternative path may also be more complicated when you’re older due to consequences of all the paths you’ve taken to date, but it doesn’t mean those paths aren’t there.

They are.

So what do you do about it? Conquer the fear by taking the following steps:

1) Sweat
Exercise is a known counter to stress and has the added bonus of making you healthier on so many other fronts. Unfortunately when we’re stressed we don’t feel we have the time or can take the time to work out. Make time. Figure out what works best but get sweating into your schedule.

2) Connect
Old friends know you best. They’ve seen you at your highest, lowest and “bestest”. Having a coffee or lunch with one or two of them to talk through what you’re facing is one of the best things you can do. Because of the history you have with them they can provide perspective, advice and help you laugh. Highly advised.

3) Plan
Figure out what you want/need/must do and create a plan of attack. You may be in a mosquito-infested swamp with your boots stuck in mud, but you’ll stay there without a plan to get out. As Ty Webb (Chevy Chase) so eloquently said in Caddyshack “See your future…. be your future… make your future.” You must be the ball.

4) Execute
Work the plan and adjust as needed. A good strategy allows for adjusting tactics as you go. You’ve been around. Life likes to screw with you all the time. Make sure you and your plan are flexible and you can adapt to what’s happening to still reach your goals without getting bogged down again.

5) Sweat
Yes. I said this. I’m saying it again because it’s important. Just do it.